I love great conversation. I like sitting with old friends or new friends and letting the hours slip by as we revel in stories, laughs and questions. I like sitting under a shade tree for impromptu talks. I like the randomness of those talks that make a road trip entertaining. I like long dinners that turn into dessert and then into after dinner drinks all because no one wants the conversation to end.
I like the way long walks can lead to unexpected stories. I like being in groups where the conversation teaches me something about someone else or even about my self. I like when someone invites me to meet at a coffee shop or when wine is served on the porch.
I just really like connecting with others during those precious moments of uninterrupted, soulful talks and I feel like life doesnt necessarily serve up those moments enough to feed my appetite.
Maybe this is one of the reasons I liked Pakistan. It is a country filled with people who savor conversation, who love to ask questions and who are in no hurry to move along to another task
As I moved through Pakistan and met people from different regions, different backgrounds and different social groups, I quickly noticed a trend in the conversation. I could almost write the script before the questions were lobbied in my direction. Being the incredible hosts that seem to describe all Pakistanis, it was no surprise the conversation was focused on getting to know the visitor and making sure everyone and included.
Where are you from? Not surprisingly the first question always, unless you count the ever polite, Mam may I ask you a question? My answer of United States always seemed to lead to a brief moment of surprise or disbelief and once in awhile it was followed with wanting details of how long it took me to arrive in Pakistan, what stopovers I had to endure and where I first landed in Pakistan.
Sometimes there was a quick survey of my surroundings and I would get peppered with questions about if I was traveling alone, why I was traveling alone and if I needed anything. A white woman being alone, whether it was traveling, sitting at a
restaurant or simply shopping always seemed to draw a bevy of stares that sometimes led to a bevy of questions.
Inevitably the next question was the one I had to get most used to and I had to get there quickly because this question is absolutely mandatory in any conversation with a Pakistani person. How old are you? One of my Pakistani friends asked me this before I ever arrived and I politely educated him on how it is not proper to ask a lady her age. I dropped that little nugget of Emily Post etiquette within the first few hours of arriving in the country and just resigned myself to that fact that everyone I encountered would soon know how many years I have been on this earth.
The next question was almost always, Are you married? And with my affirmative answer, the follow up was, How many years?
Now this is where it gets tricky. The next question is ALWAYS, I cannot repeat this enough, it is ALWAYS, Do you have any children? My answer was always unexpected and the asker was always incredibly unprepared to handle my answer
awkward silence and a moment so clumsy I considered making up some kids and using photos of my friends kids to cover my hasty lie. In the States, I just say, No I have a dog instead. But my concern parenthood to in a country that seems to truly value families so far as to having multiple generations living seamlessly under one roof, might take offense to such a trite answer.
My answer to this question stalled so many conversations I even asked a few of my Pakistani friends about how to handle this question. I begged them for some guidance. It may as any surprise, they literally had no suggestions.
So I continued along and did this little conversation dance only to notice, it was also a bit alarming when I mentioned that I had no siblings.
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